I have had the worst night! Tonight at church I was informed that a particular congregant was a little upset that I have not been out to see them this week. When I got home I called that person as quick as I could to see how they were. It turns out they were more than a little upset they were mad. They had a good reason to be upset. I told them last week that I would come by on Monday but I never showed up. The reason for this is my horrible memory. I simply forgot; I didn't write it down on my calendar. I apologized and informed the individual that I had made a huge mistake. All I could do was ask for their forgiveness. They couldn't give it and my heart was crushed.
It's funny how the devil kicks you when your down. I was accused of "being a preacher but not a pastor." I was accused of "catering to the younger crowd but not the older." There where a few other comments then a "click" as the phone hung up. Only three months in and this is what I get.
Now for clarity I am not upset with this person at all. I feel horrible; like I have failed them as a pastor. I could blame it on inexperience or the flaw of forgetfulness or on the reality that many people need my attention. But none of those things make me feel any better about the whole thing. I just feel like a failure and if you know me at all you know that I have the tendency to blow things out of proportion and make things worse than they are. To be honest I probably wont sleep much tonight.
In the middle of this whole ordeal I find myself asking one question. What are the things that really matter? How am I; a pastor; supposed to break up my time to do the best I can for this church? If all I do is visit then the sermons are going to be lacking. But if I never visit or forget to visit then I become an offense to those I'm here to serve. Oh God where is the balance? I struggle to know what to do. Pray for me. My heart is heavy. The spiritual battle isn't going well today!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
A Heavy Heart
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Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-22 that if you are his sheep, a true believer, that you have no choice but to forgive you brother. If this congregant is a true believer, then they must forgive you. If they do not, they will be filled with bitterness, anguish, sadness, hopelessness, and satan will be the victor in that person's life. I know from experience. To carry around unforgiveness does not hurt the person or persons you feel betrayed and hurt by, it hurts you. How can Jesus forgive you and bless you when you are carrying around unforgiveness. No one can be "all things to all people" because we are so fleshly and we are not God. Sure we should all strive to do what we say we will do, in the small things as well as the big things, but this is a fast paced life. Maybe your fellow congregants need to step up to the plate and serve along side their pastor/shepherd and undergird your ministry. Just continue to pray for that hurt sheep. In the meantime, don't question your call or your place of service. Remember, Jesus goes before you as your shield and defense. Learn from this experience. Maybe set one certain day of the week for visitation and stick to that day. Sure emergencies will come up, but if you get in the routine of that one day per week, then you can schedule visits from there. Just like stubbing your checkbook, go ahead and "stubb" the name(s) in a daily planner at the moment you talk with someone about visiting them. Be on guard and recognize the firey darts of satan & put on the WHOLE ARMOUR and you'll come through the fire bringing glory to our Lord Jesus Christ!
Thanks my friend. After praying about it most of the night I have decided that Thursday Morning and Friday mornings will be my visitation day.
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